My son, Sweet Pea, is now thirteen months old. Since he has been born I have had a real love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. I hated the late nights that only I could handle, I hated only being able to go out for two hours at a time, I hated that my husband could be gone the whole day. On the other hand I loved snuggling close to our baby and loving him in a way that no one else could and I loved our relationship the first year and how it was constantly changing.  Quite the contradiction, huh?

Anyways, I figured I would be jumping up and down with joy the day we finally stopping nursing. I would finally be free! So right after a year we started weaning. It felt a little strange to be denying my son the one thing that he wanted the most, but we pressed on and about a week ago he had his last feeding. I was crushed. I cried and was very emotional for a few days. It did not help that I could still feel milk coming in and my only desire was to pick up my son and snuggle in bed to watch him nurse. Day after day I felt myself regretting it. I talked to my husband about it and he reminded me that it wasn’t to late because I was still producing milk and we could just pick right back up if we wanted to. I thought and thought. I knew that if we started again I would be committing myself to another year or two of breastfeeding. Is that what I really wanted?

So this morning I thought to myself why not? Let’s give it a try. He may not even want it after a week. So I grabbed him up and snuggled with him on the bed just like we used to. He seemed a little confused at first and I could tell the wheels were turning in his little head. He knew this position was familiar, but why? All of a sudden he broke into a huge grin and leaned down and started nursing. It felt wonderful. It felt right. I guess our days of nursing are not quite over yet. We shall see. I do not know what will happen because he still only nursed the one time today. I will keep you posted and let you know what tomorrow brings.